On Technology

My Dearest Bilchly,

The “minor technical tricks” that you scoffed at in your last letter are the true essence of modern temptation. I love a good bewitching or possession as much as the next tempter, but you can’t expect your work to be so glamorous all the time. It is, after all, a fallen world.

Your role is to nudge, to cajole, to redirect even a single degree. We rarely get the satisfaction of a large, sudden change. A hundred tiny compromises, a thousand microscopic injustices, ten thousand unrepented slights: these are what pull a modern soul down to hell. In this, technology is an ally.

When I first became Senior Undersecretary of Dark Technology, I led a slew of successful programs to influence humanity at scale with just such small tortures. The smartphone (which I had no small hand in developing) was a once-in-a-career achievement. But as a true craftsman, I take more pride in the more subtle, exquisite little evils we have produced. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. The infinite scroll. Consider the success of this invention: at this very moment, a million mothers ignore their infants and a million lovers miss eye contact. Friends don’t let silences ripen into camaraderie. All this because humans are pouring their lives en masse into endless scrolling inanities, eternally looking for the faintest titillation.
2. The “reply-all” button. How much despair has been caused by this little innovation? How many embarrassing emails have been sent to everyone? That I did not receive a Dark Nobel for this innovation mystifies me.
3. The push notification. We have reduced a vast swathe of humanity to being mere tenders of notifications. They live in fear of missed emails and forgotten text messages. The result is beautiful: they prioritize red dots over relationships. If the trend continues, we’ll create a world in which most people live to create and consume notifications.
4. The autoplay feature. Playing the next video automatically, albeit after a pro forma little countdown. How many hours of simple, precious sleep have we stolen? It warms my heart to see an entire nation become sleep deprived. No wonder they are all angry at each other.

And oh, the things we are beginning to do with virtual reality—truly remarkable! Soon a patient without a pornography or social media addiction will be unheard of. But I shall leave boasting on that front to the future.

You may be eternal, but you still must keep up with the times, Bilchly. Use technology to your advantage.

Yours,

Mulcifer